Hmm, interesting that I was just last week talking about this with my good friend from the office. A friend had passed away suddenly, far too young, and it gave me a bit of a jolt. I’m afraid of dying.
Part of me, the rational, scientific part, thinks it’s foolish to worry about it or be afraid of it, because ultimately what scares me about death is the “oh my god, what will it be like, what will I be doing, how will I deal with it?” part. I try and look at it from the standpoint that the answer to all those questions is, “Nothing, I’ll be dead.” Simple. I’ll have ended, I guess.
The other part of me, let’s call it my spiritual side, is terrified at the obvious (to me) change death will have wrought on my life. That barely makes sense, even to me, but bear with me. My spiritual side believes there will be something after Death. Something or somewhere or some state that my soul or conciousness, or my “being” goes on into. I’m not 100% sure what I think that will be like, but I know (how could I know?!) it wont be what my Life is like- seeing, breathing, driving, talking, listening, etc.
This is not a crippling fear for me. I think about it from time to time, and it’s certainly prompted when I lose someone from my life, or even read about or hear about other people losing friends, or relatives, or even when I hear about the deaths of total strangers on the news. I think about how fleeting life can be in some cases. I think about how truly fragile it can be. But then some random period of time passes and I’m of thinking and worrying about matters that I encounter every day.
I think not unrelated to this fear of Death is the fear of losing my daughter. While I would hate to even consider what it would be like for her to lose her father, I cannot even begin to fathom what many people have already gone through, the loss of a child. Honestly, I’m surprised I could even type that out because as I’m writing this I’m getting a bit emotional. I’m not going to think about it.
This was a rather unexpected post for me today, but I love the writing prompts over at Studio30 Plus. I am also, if I’m honest with myself, irrationally afraid of spiders. Spiders I don’t mind talking about, even though it creeps me out a little. I actually think they’re fascinating, but only OUTSIDE. If spiders are INSIDE, in my home for example, then the chance they might end up ON my person is exponentially higher, and that is simply unacceptable.